Pain Meds and Blogging

Wowza! What a busy couple of days it’s been. No complaints here though because I love getting opportunities to celebrate with my friends and to actually get things done and complete errands like a boss!

Yesterday I helped host a bridal shower with some of my besties for a wonderful couple we know. (Also friends of ours…DUH!) It. Was. A. Blast! From what I hear they truly enjoyed it and I know the rest of us did as well! It’s amazing to me to think how one person introducing someone to another friend and these people going to college together can make its own circle of friends that otherwise many of us may never get to know. I love that! #sharethelove

So in order for this to go smoothly for an afternoon shower, I had to get my butt out of bed and be ready for the day at a descent hour. This is not exactly my thing lately…well or ever. LUCKILY I remembered to tell my friend to text me and make sure I was awake as I have my text alert set to one of the most annoying sounds ever! Does anyone else have to change their text tone frequently so you don’t start sleeping through them?! Oh come on, I know I can’t be the only one! Just admit it now so we can move along. Are we on the same page now? K, good…moving on. So after sleeping through 3 alarms💤💤💤💤….and yes I set them for earlier than I needed just in case…I got my wakie wakie text! Thank God for great people who know you are a spaz! I should probably (ahhh, I finally spelled it right without the computer judging me!) go ahead and say I skipped out on my pain meds the night before or I would have likely slept until the party was over. Not last night…that sucker was in my mouth as soon as I walked in the door because when I hit the bed there would be no stopping me. I’m a champ like that…duh!

Let me set the scene between my friends and I…we are all different in many ways..but can we say Type A personalities almost all around?! I am pretty sure we ended up moving the exact same things around at least 4 or 1000 times. Okay, maybe 6 but whatever it was you better believe it was an even number! But hey, don’t be jealous…we are pretty good at taking in “strays” if you are brave enough to join our madness. 😜  We were so exhausted afterwards that we didn’t even contemplate sitting and eating…it was tiiiiiime to go home. 😴 It also could have been the 4 Dewey’s red velvet cake squares I ate throughout. See, what had happened was, I had one while we were setting up to taste test and all. Then I needed one to have with my drink. Later, without thinking I had another one because, let’s be honest, I can eat cake like it’s going out of style. YOU CAN’T just have three pieces!! That’s such an off number so I had to FORCE (alright, there was no forcing involved) to eat another to make that numbers work. All is well that ends well. Even the sugar couldn’t help me yesterday because I believe I was asleep before most toddlers. SO WORTH IT though!

Let me just say this too…photo “booth.” It was on.

#miketgetsbrittny May 2016 yayyy!

This morning I pretty much felt like the champion of the world! I was still on a “high” from yesterdays party, the pain meds did their job, the steroids had me up and going at a descent hour and I was rocking and rolling on my errands. I finally got a package I have been meaning to send for weeks sent off, went by the bank, (I think they have this game where they sit there and bet on how low my account is and the ones that are the furthest off have to take a shot. Well, they are state employees so it really isn’t exactly that far fetched to think that may be what they would at least want to do!) and I remembered to go get my blood drawn from back when I saw the allergist. Oops, apparently that’s not something most people forget and put off for so long. Oh well, the vampires got more of my blood and will not be going hungry anytime soon. (Vampires are the ones that like blood, right?!) And the best of it all you ask? I felt bad for myself for having to get blood drawn and getting rid of so many shoes this week that I decided to treat myself to a little trip through TJMaxx. This. Is. Never. A. Good. Idea!! HOWEVER, I somehow remembered I had random gift cards from who knows when or where in my wallet so I didn’t feel so guilty. I walked out with the LEAST I have ever spent there…$2.75. Now tell me that isn’t one of the best treats ever?! Actually don’t because if you don’t agree I may need to really reevaluate our friendship. Just sayin’.

So now that you have read about my last two exciting days that I have written right after taking my pain pill this is a good place to say night night….and not just because my eyes are half open and I’m pretty much forgetting anything else I did or was going to write about. You’re okay with that, right? Yep, I thought so.

Love, hugs, kisses, pain killers, blah, blah, blah, and pink glitter for now,

Kimmy G 🙂

P.S. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and more blahs. No mas.

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Chicken For the Win

Hi there to my favorite blog readers out there…which is ooooobviously all of you! I appreciate y’all sticking with me through this week. I undoubtedly have the best friends and family for understanding and standing by me…better than I deserve! 🙂

Let me start by saying I got TWO amazing bits of news this week and actually got off the phone with another good news phone call! For those who have been following, the biopsy results came back just I as expected…awesome!!! (phewwww, a relief even when you do go in with a positive attitude.) Finally some good news from the State as well! Here’s the kicker though, if we are being completely honest about it, even those great bits of news I’ve been waiting on pins and needles for don’t have much power over depression. I was so ecstatic from the actual events but still had an “episode” as I like to call them.  I know it didn’t help that I felt terrible with some sinus ickyness this week, some joint pain from this awful wind (which I know a bunch of us get), and STILL dealing with this ear situation, but that still doesn’t make me feel any better in knowing that could have been some of my root problem this week. Depression and anxiety don’t need a reason. DAMN THEM!!! And I am not ashamed to say this because I am not ashamed of what I deal with…It does not define me and doesn’t mean I am still not ME. Awesome and totally amazing…duh, people. 😉 #NOSTIGMA

Enough of that. So let’s talk about this ear pain for the ‘who knows how manyith’ (yes, I made up that word and no, I don’t care. It fit) time. The poo poo headed, douchebaggery of a super duper stupid douchebag “I’m the specialist”…and in my opinion hateful and incompetent…ENT that I went to last week was NOT helpful as we have established. I am STILL in such severe pain…going on 2 1/2 or 3 months now ( I forget)…that I took a leap of faith and went back to my regular family doctor who had originally seen me. When the nurse said that the doctor would be right in I told her to make sure to go ahead and bring his saw so he wouldn’t have to go find it later for what, at this point, I am sure will be an amputation of my ear. She said he might look at her crazy. I then countered with or he will think you didn’t do your job when I asked you to go ahead and bring it and he ends up needing it. I believe I won but for some odd reason he still left the saw back in what I can only assume is the “special” room with the “special” toolbox that they roll outside whenever the get inspected. You know, the one with saws, pliers, handcuffs, lobotomy equipment, etc. It is the only logical explanation. Apparently they are not too keen on cutting my ear off as I suggested so it’s blood work, a MRI, and steroids for me at the moment. (and shots of whiskey that we all know were not prescribed, per say, but were also not discouraged. He also didn’t flinch when I said I had left over pain meds that are just sitting there looking at me like “I’m soooo bored!” so I took that as a “go for it” as well 🙂 ) I’m pretty good at reading people like that. Pray, pray, pray, send good vibes, do a dance, or even use a voodoo doll damn it if that’s your thing!! Thank you in advance. #THANKYOUVERYMUCH

Time for the topic of the day…Chicken. Yep, chicken. Why don’t I set the scene for you…

The other night, my parents and I were sitting at the dinner table talking about God knows what and my Mom said, “let me look at my calendar.” She pulls out her phone and says “That will work but don’t forget we have to pick up the chicken that morning.” I had in no way, shape, or form heard anything about buying a chicken!! (Insert the “WTF?!” face YOU KNOW I made here!) 😳🙄 We live in a residential neighborhood that I’m pretty sure would have the home owners association on us in a heart beat if we got a CHICKEN!! “WHAT. THE. HELL?!?” Then I hear, “No, frozen chicken. 40 lbs of it.” 🤔 Say whaaaaaat?!?!?! I am in a total state of confusion at this point so I’m not sure which one of them said “well you haven’t heard the rest.” SMH. I was not prepared for this, folks! My Mom said that she had seen on the “Moolah Savers” blog multiple times about a company ( https://www.zayconfresh.com ) that comes through town with a refrigerated truck and SELLS PREPAID FROZEN CHICKEN OUT OF THE BACK OF AN 18 WHEELER!! If you know me at all, you know this just made it worse already! Ready for the part that almost made me fall out of my chair? … “All we have to do is be behind the McDonald’s (bowling ally area) over near the airport between 8 and 8:30 to pick it up” said one of them. CAN WE PLEASE RECAP?!?! 40 lbs of frozen chicken. From a traveling truck. Parked behind McDonald’s. With a 30 minute window to pick it up before the truck rolls out of town. WTF?! Maybe I watch too much TV, maybe I am aware of too many scams, OR maybe I am worried about eating chicken that was picked up in a very sketchy manner. Call me crazy. I’m contemplating a police escort even though there will be at least 2 of us carrying. I am still not convinced I dreamed this. That whiskey can really take a toll after a while. I am now speechless about the chicken. Frozen. From the back of a truck. In the back of McDonald’s. OK, obviously I wasn’t speechless, per say, but I am now! 🐓

Love, hugs, kisses, creepy frozen chicken murderes, I mean sellers, and pink glitter for now,

Kimmy G 🙂

P.S. Again, I refuse to re-read this so it comes with a guarantee of grammar and spelling mistakes. You’re welcome!

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Mehhhh

A haiku…

I hate feeling sick

I am going to whine right now

Screw the chills and aches

Now you know why I don’t write haikus.

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See, he gets why I should be a doctor…

Love, hugs, kisses, bad haikus, and pink glitter for now,

Kimmy G 😷🤒

Headed Downtown…Kimmy Style

 

Depending on how long you have known me you likely know these special…and by that I mean awesome…qualities of mine. I have ADHD and can go off into another world in 1 second flat, I have no (well, very little anymore) patience when it comes to driving, and well, I’m just me. (There is NO definition or explanation I can come up with for that one) Today I am going to take you on a journey with me…not like a psychedelic journey so put those shrooms back up you hippies! Get ready for an average trip (driving trip, sheesh with the drugs again people!) through my eyes…or brain. YOU SHOULD BE SCARED. Or not surprised…that’s always a valid reaction to my stories as well. Ready. Set. GO!

(Get ready to read at super speed without taking a breath…punctuation means nothing in this story except for others to be able to follow.)

Brain:

Time to go. Do I have everything? Phone? Check. Purse? Check. All other crap I’m taking? Check. Keys? Check. Crap, didn’t I just have my phone?! (looks around frantically) Oh, here it is. Back pocket, of course! That’s where you normally keep it dummy. Okay, time to go. Lock the door? Check. Walk to car? Check. Uh, where are my keys!? I need those. Get keys from door and walk back to car. Check. Hit the unlock button at least 8 times just to make sure it is actually unlocked. Get in. Front door idiot, you’re driving. Come on, it shouldn’t be this difficult. Put your purse in the passenger side. Turn it around, it’s too heavy from that side it will fall. It’s going to fall over anyway so just turn it back the way it was. Well that was stupid, at least it has a better chance turned the other way. There, much better. The rest of the bags wont fit up here. Squish, push, shove. Damn it. Oooo, backseat! Yes, perfect. Start the car. Keys? Keys? Purse. Of course, that’s a perfectly logical place to put them when you just opened the door and are going to need them. Duh. Alright, now start car. I don’t like this song. Switch stations until I find a song I like. Phone? Phone? My phone needs to be in it’s spot. In my purse? Nope. Crap. Oh yea, back pocket!! How did I forget that? Make sure phone is all set to go. Oh Facebook, I need to check that. Scroll. Scroll. Like. “LOL!.” Like. Scroll. Oooo yay, a notification! NO, I DON’T WANT TO PLAY FARMVILLE! Scroll. Close. Might as well check Instagram. Such a cute quote. I need to save that. Oooo, Marley Lilly sale! Scroll. Like. Like. Like. Oh my gosh, too funny…share. Crap, I need to leave. Put phone down. Ughh! The music’s gone. I HATE COMMERCIALS. Change radio station. Leave already. Try to start car. Why wont the key turn? That’s right it’s already on. Dang girl, I’m on top of things. Back out of driveway. Not moving. Put car in reverse. Back out of driveway. Drive. Drive. Stop sign. Slow down and roll. No cars. Floor it. Drive. Drive. Open sunroof. Sunglasses? Purse. Feel for glasses…KEEP EYES ON ROAD! Found them. Shit, regular glasses. Feel around for other glasses. Turn purse upside down. SCORE! Got ’em. Drive. Drive. Drive. SON OF A….UGHHHH, you knew you were supposed to be in the other lane. Nope, nope, you’re not getting in front of me. “Dumbass.” Drive. What are those blue and red lights up there? Oh shit, somebody done got pulled over. Poor thing. More blue lights. And more. Felony stop! Sweet. Wonder what they did?! Hmmm, there are more lights. Slam on breaks. WHY ARE YOU STOPPING DIPSHIT?! Line of cars. Damn rubberneckers. Oh no, a wreck. I hope everyone is alright! No ambulance. Good. Or bad! Maybe they already left. Aww this is so sad. Officer begins to waive our line through. Go slow. SIR, DO YOU WAVE YOUR HAND FASTER AT ME!! I am just trying to make sure everyone is alri…yikes, that’s going to be a lot of money to fix. I SEE YOU! You’re supposed to go slow for the safety of others. Wonder who that is? Must be a rookie. Wave. “Sorry sir. Thank you for your service!” Oh shit, my window is up. I hope he doesn’t think I was cussing at him! Man, I should go tell him I didn’t. Or send him a letter. I didn’t get his name though. I can just tell him if I see him again what I really said. Drive. Drive. Drive. Did they just flash their lights. I’m pretty sure they just flashed their lights. Are my lights not on? It’s day time Kim. Crap, officer ahead. Be cool. Don’t slam on breaks, I’ll just look guilty. Be cool. It’s been like half a mile and I didn’t see a cop. Why in the world would they flash their lights? Losers. Drive. Drive. EXCUSE ME! I NEED TO MERGE! Get in the other lane you dipshit, it’s empty and I need this one!! F**c y…Oooo, I love this song!! Turn it up. Loud. Sing. Loud. “My Momma don’t like you and she likes everyone…” Dance and sway. BEEP! Oh shit, “sorry Sir, I was just dancing, I didn’t mean to be in your lane too.” Smile and wave. “And now I know, I’m better sleeping on my own…” Wait, why are there three lanes? the picture shows four. WHY DO THEY MAKE THIS SO HARD. Find lane to be in. Curse at the stupid head that swings in front of you because they were in the wrong lane. The same lane you were just in. Okay, I will forgive them this once. Calm yourself woman. Exit. No, not this one. Exit.Wait, but that one says…” Crap. Get off at next exit. No problem, just turn around and go back the other way until the exit. ONE WAY STREET?! Who planned these streets? This is stupid. “WHY AM I JUST SITTING AT THIS LIGHT?! There is no one cominggggg!” Ugh, all the radio stations are on commercials. Just hit CD. “Finally!” I’m not sitting through another light like that. Another red light? OMG, you can turn right on red you idiot. Proceed to turn.Car. Stop and don’t turn. A BUMP IN THE ROAD…that’s way they were flashing their lights at me! That must have been it. No cars. Turn. Wait? What? How is there no entrance ramp here?! “THIS INSANE!!” Drive. Curse. Curse. “GET OUT OF MY WAY!” Curse. Drive. Turn. Drive. “THANKS FOR THE TURN SIGNAL, JERK! Curse. Curse. Turn. What street am I on. Dear God. Drive. Drive. Curse. Scream while cursing. An entrance ramp! “It’s about damn time.” Is this the right one? Hell, who cares at this point. Why have I just heard four Eric Church songs in a row? It much be a marathon. Okay, where am…Oooo look, a flashing billboard. Pretty! Crap. My land. Stay in my lane. Drive. Oh yea, now where am I? “THERE’S THE RIGHT EXIT! SWEEEEET!” Stop at stoplight. Look down. My gas light has been on for a while. Uh oh, down to 1 mile. Good thing I looked. Well, that really means about 5 miles so I’m sure there is a gas station right here somewhere. Green Light. Wait, it’s not a marathon, it’s a CD. Switch back to FM. Beep. “OKAY!” I’m going, I’m going. Sheesh lady, chill. Gas station. YES! …on the other side of the street, of course. Cars coming. Wait. Wait. Wait. Crap, I could have gone. Wait. Wait. I could have gone again. Wait. JUST GO AROUND ME, I’M WAITING TO TURN! Wait, Wait. “Screw it.” Floor it. Shit. Ouch. Well that bump looked smaller from the street. BEEEEEEP. Yea, yea, yea, I needed to turn asshole! You should be going slower. So technically it’s your fault you had to put on your breaks. Think about that for a little bit. (Meanwhile, pull up to gas pump.) Crap, wrong side. That little F****r make me loose my train o…that’s a nice car. I wonder what kind of car that is? Get out of car. I need my debit card. Get back in car. Get debit card and get out of car. Lock car. (safety first!) Swipe card. “Hey, what kind of car is that?” Pump beeps. Oh yea, pin number. Nope. Credit. Is it “Enter” or “Cancel?” Cancel. Shit. Swipe card again. (Other driver: “It’s a Mitsubishi.”) Pump beeps.  Enter. Do I want a receipt. No. Yes. Nah. YES! “Oh. Well, I like the color” Ready to pump gas. Gas door closed. Open door. Unlock door then try again. Pop gas tank cover. Shit, why did the hood open? UGHHHHHHH. Pop the other gadget-ma-bobber that makes the gas tank open. Nailed it. Pump gas. Get in car. Get out of car. Close hood. Get in car. Start car and drive away. Oops. take of parking break. Okay, that’s better. Now, which direction was I going? That way!. Yep, that’s right. Cars coming. Wait. Wait. Wait.Wait. “COME ON PEOPLE!” Wait. Just go. Go. Go now. Alright, which street am I looking for? I can’t see the street. There they are. I cant read them. “OH SHIT! Red light” Light turns green. Turn down the music. Who can actually read these street signs? THAT’S it! Turn on left hand signal but turning right and hit breaks. Turn. “MY GOD?!?!?! Seriously, you could have just gone around me. I put my signal on!” Wait. Seriously? No. Yes? “Sweet baby Jesus!!!! I WAS ON THIS ROAD 20 MINUTES AGO WHEN I GOT OFF THE FIRST EXIT!!!” Curse. Curse. Curse a lot. Breathe. Okay, this must be it. Check phone to be sure. Notifications. Sweet. Comment on my post. Cute emoji. I didn’t know that was an emoji. Hmmm. I like it. Turn off Facebook. Check Instagram again. Like. @XYZ CONGRATS! Close Instagram. Turn off c…Ohhh I like this song!! Turn up volume. Sit in car. “I know you ain’t in love with him break up with him, break up with him…” Dance. Sing. Get out of car. Lock car. Unlock car. Get purse. Still has all contents…well at least somewhere on the seat. Sweet. Close and lock door. “I need to check next time I pass someone on that street to see if their lights just naturally flash from a bump in the road.”

So after after leaving home and making it 10 miles down the road I finally make it to my destination. And people wonder why I am tired. BECAUSE MY BRAIN HURTS!

 

 

Love, hugs, kisses, who the hell puts blinking billboards on the SIDE OF THE ROAD, and pink glitter for now,

Kimmy G 🙂

P.S. There is no P.S. This one is just beyond explanation and asking for forgiveness on my spelling and grammar. Let’s all just be glad I didn’t have a panic attack just writing down what goes through my brain.

P.P.S. I swear I’m a good driver.

image……and Kim

I Missed It!!

I missed my post yesterday by 20 minutes!! I’m not okay with that. Oh well. Today…I mean yesterday…in a 2 minutes wrap up.

Hair:

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And girl time:

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Love, hugs, kisses, red hair, and pink glitter for now!

Kimmy G 😊

You Kind Of Have To Know Me…And Many Times Wish You Didn’t :)

Obviously I was feeling some kind of way yesterday which is why my post only consisted of e-cards and memes. They are pretty much my third language…behind kimlish (kim’s English) and sarcasm…we all have to be bilingual these days. But you have to admit, that’s pretty much my thing but don’t think I didn’t put any work into it…I did have to choose the pics and whatnot. So, you should feel pretty good about that.

So the day before yesterday I went off on a tangent about the douchbag ENT I saw and that I also went to the dentist and all that jazz…so we won’t harp on those…but don’t be surprised if I still complain because, quite frankly, I’m still holding a grudge.I also haven’t decided if I am going to send some ninjas his way to scare some bedside manner into him…or ninjafy him…whatever that consists of. Whatever works.

The good news is, on the “soft food’ front, (the “diet” I’m supposed to be eating because they tried to tear my mouth apart the other day. I kind of need that….I talk A LOT! Um, which I’m also not supposed to do. This is becoming very long and frustrating and I’m beginning to loose my train of though) I have really learned to work around the system. Yesterday I had a pudding cup for breakfast because I figured by “soft food” he meant pudding. He just didn’t say that so he couldn’t be held responsible for any cavities I may get as a result. So today for brunch I had the BEST IDEA EVER. Well, maybe not ever because I think most of my ideas are genius…at least at first, but it seemed like it at the time. I wanted corn flakes, because that’s not soft food and If I’m told I cant do something I just want to that much more! Luckily I eat my corn flakes with milk so I drenched, and I mean drenched the corn flakes in milk and let them get super duper soggy. Now, I am following directions AND I get my cornflakes. BAM!! See, genius. And don’t take my happiness away just because at least 90% of the population would have thought of the same thing. In case you didn’t realize, this blog (I just wrote bong but changed it but I still thought it was funny enough to share) is about me… or my thoughts. So, yea, take some time to let that soak in.

I was so upset about the doctor (douchbag that is….I’m going to make him a new glittery name tag that says “douchbag” so it sticks out and people can just run away then!)  I didn’t even tell you that in the midst of waiting for my next appointment I needed to get my oil changed…in a jiffy. So, don don don, I went to Jiffy lube. (I HAD TO GUYS, that was way to corny to pass up!!!) By the way, even though this has no significant content in any way and I’m just writing what ever pops in my head…like usual…they were super nice and jiffyish. And I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just because I told them I had just left an assholes doctors office. I wonder where I could go review them? I should stop and do that right now before I forget.

Alright, done! We should all get a pat on the back for a job well done sometimes. I am a huge believer in that folks. Be nice and others will be happy too! Does karma fit here? If so, it’s good karma whatever way you look at it.

This is a big one! My 10 year old laptop tried to break on me again. NO SIR, I will just not be having that. We may have been through multiple hard drives and other maintenance issues but I refuse to give up on my beloved. It’s like throwing you in the trash because you only had one more leg to stand on…that would just be…well, super awful so maybe I exaggerated too much there. I wouldn’t do that to you anyway. I would help you walk again…okay, now we are getting back on track with this analogy.

So what did I do you ask? I FIXED IT!! And my saying I fixed it, I really mean I took it to a friends shop and he technically fixed it. BUT, I had to figure out how to reconnect it back to the wifi by finding the password and…well, that’s about it. The way I look at it is that I finished fixing it (and didn’t throw it out the window in the two hours I spend trying to fix it in the first place) so I pretty much come out the hero here. I deserve some sort of medal of honor here. HP, I will be waiting patiently.

***WARNING: More…well icky and ouchy.. medical stuff so if you’re a dude that doesn’t care or a woman that doesn’t care for that matter, or if you are my friend Jess and hates and wants to pass out when it comes to anything medical related then I would suggest you skip this part. I warned you.***

Didn’t I warn y’all from day one that I am pretty much an open book and can whine like a BOSS?! I do believe so. Yesterday I got that biopsy done that I quickly mentioned the other day which I still think is going to be 100% no big deal. I have decided that the nurses and my super amazing sweet obgyn must have NEVER had one or have the pain tolerance of an elephant. (I’m assuming elephants have a high tolerance for pain because I mean look at them…they could crush you with one little iota of pressure from their foot!) I digress. Let me tell you why this is so, because as much as they say it’s not too bad and it is no big deal, THEY LIE! I couldn’t see but I am pretty sure they were trying to detach my hoo-ha from my body. (I’m only okay with that if there is someone in real need of one for like a transplant or something…is that a thing? Hoo-ha replacement surgery?…but I’m sure I either would have consented for AT LEAST looked at my options for selling on the black market! Money talks folks.)  Also, I have never had a baby but I know from all those videos we saw in high school and the many friends that now have babies…I can’t believe I am old enough to say that…that this was nothing in comparison. BUT, could they have at least warned me that sitting for the next couple days would be a chore and it would feel like a wildebeest was trying to claw it’s way out?! That was only one sentence…it wasn’t exactly a time saver to leave it out! Alright, unnecessary and TMI rant over now. But, I’m sure you wondered what I did yesterday and why I was ill and tired so who am I to leave y’all, my caring and scarred for life family and friends, hanging. That would just be plain rude.

***WARNING OVER***

I will leave you with this necessary information. I really hate Casey Anthony. She is a murderous, psychotic, twit and deserves to spend the rest of her life UNDER Guantanamo. Apparently there are 12 idiots out there who don’t agree with me. At least 12…but the rest I can’t call idiots because they technically didn’t make the decision to find her not guilty. Scratch that, they are still idiots. My not-so-sincere apologies if you are one of those idiots. I saw on television she is trying to start a business or some bullshit like that…I don’t know, I turned the channel. CLEARLY I am not over this and hold a grudge towards her, her parents, and these 12 people I don’t know. Come to think of it, this is likely a good time to schedule another therapy appointment.

On that note,

Love, hugs, kisses, hoo-ha stealers, and pink glitter for now,

Kimmy G. 🙂

P.S. (Insert usual disclaimer here) Also a disclaimer on absolutely everything else in this post. You know, just in case Dr. douchbag or Casey Anthony’s lawyers get bored and decide I am a threat to society or some nonsense like that.

P.P.S. I have no plans to get out of my PJ’s or move today so WTF am I going to write about tomorrow?!?! Oy vey.

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National Drink Wine Day!

Happy national wine day!! Blogging seems like a chore today so I’ll leave you will all these because we all know I love ecards and memes….

Yep, these will work.

Love, hugs, blah, blah, blah, and all that jazz.

Kim

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Kimmy, MD? And All Those Other Letters…

As you likely read on my Facebook post today, I have decided that I am going to medical school. I have already figured out what I am going to specialize in…EVERYTHING!! Yes, I am aware that I still only have an associates degree. Yes, I an also aware I hate school and that my ADD may be a little bit…okay, lot of bit…of a problem. But really, how hard could it be after all the quadrillion million doctors I have seen in my lifetime?! LORD HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL…is it really that hard to get doctors on board with the same diagnosis or at least in the same ballpark. Here is the latest adventure…and I truly just mean latest…

I won’t bother you with the info I already posted a couple days ago, but if you aren’t familiar you can look back and get the info on what’s been going on with my ear for the past two months. Basically I was told I had lots of fluid and compression behind my ear drums and could only be helped by an ENT doctor. I called yesterday to get an appointment and by the grace of God they were able to fit me in TODAY! (Three cheers for that because as a new patient (in unbelievable pain) I was fully expecting for them to say they could not see me for two months and was ready to either turn on the charm or pitch a royal, you-should-be-afraid-I-may-turn-up-at-your-front-door-with-a- ferocious -dinosaur-that-I-had-an-evil- genius -bring-back-to-life-to-go-carnivore-on-your-ass fit!) When the doc walked in I was already in tears from the pain and told him at this point I would “be alright if he would just cut my f**k*n ear off!! This ASS with no bedside manner WHATSOEVER looked in my ears and said, with a touch of douchbaggery at this point, that my ears were perfectly fine and he had no idea what the other doctors were talking about. Well, me being the diligent and cautious patient that I am said, “so what you are telling me that both of the other doctors were completely wrong in what they saw?” His response??? Well I AM the specialist and there is nothing wrong with your ears. Maybe it’s TMJ but you would need to ask a dentist or dental surgeon about that. Because I’m not sure.” Did he offer up ANY suggestions on how to manage the pain in the mean time? NOPE! So what did I do you ask? Of course my attitude went from crying to I-want-to-punch-you-in-the-family-jewels. (which you obviously have big ones to talk to me like that) I rattled off the things I had been doing to try and manage the pain as much as possible so far and he said “sure, I guess that works.” “SURE, I GUESS THAT WORKS!!???!?!?!?” And if that pompous ass told me one. more. time. that he was the specialist when any question came out of my mouth I’m at a loss for words as to what I would have done. Actually, if I had already been to the ABC store (that was an errand for later for some pain management whiskey) I could have just pulled that out and made a drinking game out of it. At least I would have walked out, drunk and pain free for the moment. I told my mom I was SPEACHLESS! ME??!! Speechless??? Yes, those were pigs you saw flying outside today.

LUCKILY…..and I mean that with every fiber of my super ill existence at this point…I had a dentist appointment next for another issue. Now he is awesome!! So, that’s good news because I don’t want to become a dentist. People’s nasty mouths gross me out. bluhhh!  It’s also a good thing because I accept nothing less than nice doctors. This bia will switch a doctor in a heart beat…or quicker if my heart isn’t beating as fast as it does during a panic attack. Just saying. You are still human doctor people, act like it!

Back to my super awesome dentist. I told him how the ENT doctor basically told me how he should do his job. He laughed. I will still grumpy. Any who, I now have this thing called a mouth splint to wear at night for a week or so and part of each day to see if it helps any. Then we will know if my smartass douchbag ENT was right. Also, I’m just going to throw this out there…he told me to try and not talk as much as I can and let the muscle rest in case it is TMJ. I said “HAVE YOU MET ME?!?!?!” I mean I always try to follow all instructions from medical professionals but seriously? I just don’t see this happening. At all. Ever.

With all that said…the only solution is for me to go to medical school so I can diagnose myself or help others not have to go through a trillion doctors to figure out ONE THING. ONE SIMPLE THING…perhaps. You will thank me one day. Well, you might not but my bank account sure will with all these damn co-pays! Actually, maybe you will because I will have a kick ass office and like free food in the waiting room (junk food of course) and you can write on the walls and all the crazy shit you can think of. You are welcome ahead of time. Time to get started so I can be done before I’m 70 and can only treat you grandchildren for about 10 years or so. Come to think of it, I’m not so sure I’ve thought this through…. SMH.

Love, hugs, kisses, too long to go to school, and pink glitter for now,

Kimmy G 🙂

P.S. Do I really have to keep typing this? I suck as spelling and grammar and all that jazz so get over it.

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