You Kind Of Have To Know Me…And Many Times Wish You Didn’t :)

Obviously I was feeling some kind of way yesterday which is why my post only consisted of e-cards and memes. They are pretty much my third language…behind kimlish (kim’s English) and sarcasm…we all have to be bilingual these days. But you have to admit, that’s pretty much my thing but don’t think I didn’t put any work into it…I did have to choose the pics and whatnot. So, you should feel pretty good about that.

So the day before yesterday I went off on a tangent about the douchbag ENT I saw and that I also went to the dentist and all that jazz…so we won’t harp on those…but don’t be surprised if I still complain because, quite frankly, I’m still holding a grudge.I also haven’t decided if I am going to send some ninjas his way to scare some bedside manner into him…or ninjafy him…whatever that consists of. Whatever works.

The good news is, on the “soft food’ front, (the “diet” I’m supposed to be eating because they tried to tear my mouth apart the other day. I kind of need that….I talk A LOT! Um, which I’m also not supposed to do. This is becoming very long and frustrating and I’m beginning to loose my train of though) I have really learned to work around the system. Yesterday I had a pudding cup for breakfast because I figured by “soft food” he meant pudding. He just didn’t say that so he couldn’t be held responsible for any cavities I may get as a result. So today for brunch I had the BEST IDEA EVER. Well, maybe not ever because I think most of my ideas are genius…at least at first, but it seemed like it at the time. I wanted corn flakes, because that’s not soft food and If I’m told I cant do something I just want to that much more! Luckily I eat my corn flakes with milk so I drenched, and I mean drenched the corn flakes in milk and let them get super duper soggy. Now, I am following directions AND I get my cornflakes. BAM!! See, genius. And don’t take my happiness away just because at least 90% of the population would have thought of the same thing. In case you didn’t realize, this blog (I just wrote bong but changed it but I still thought it was funny enough to share) is about me… or my thoughts. So, yea, take some time to let that soak in.

I was so upset about the doctor (douchbag that is….I’m going to make him a new glittery name tag that says “douchbag” so it sticks out and people can just run away then!)  I didn’t even tell you that in the midst of waiting for my next appointment I needed to get my oil changed…in a jiffy. So, don don don, I went to Jiffy lube. (I HAD TO GUYS, that was way to corny to pass up!!!) By the way, even though this has no significant content in any way and I’m just writing what ever pops in my head…like usual…they were super nice and jiffyish. And I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just because I told them I had just left an assholes doctors office. I wonder where I could go review them? I should stop and do that right now before I forget.

Alright, done! We should all get a pat on the back for a job well done sometimes. I am a huge believer in that folks. Be nice and others will be happy too! Does karma fit here? If so, it’s good karma whatever way you look at it.

This is a big one! My 10 year old laptop tried to break on me again. NO SIR, I will just not be having that. We may have been through multiple hard drives and other maintenance issues but I refuse to give up on my beloved. It’s like throwing you in the trash because you only had one more leg to stand on…that would just be…well, super awful so maybe I exaggerated too much there. I wouldn’t do that to you anyway. I would help you walk again…okay, now we are getting back on track with this analogy.

So what did I do you ask? I FIXED IT!! And my saying I fixed it, I really mean I took it to a friends shop and he technically fixed it. BUT, I had to figure out how to reconnect it back to the wifi by finding the password and…well, that’s about it. The way I look at it is that I finished fixing it (and didn’t throw it out the window in the two hours I spend trying to fix it in the first place) so I pretty much come out the hero here. I deserve some sort of medal of honor here. HP, I will be waiting patiently.

***WARNING: More…well icky and ouchy.. medical stuff so if you’re a dude that doesn’t care or a woman that doesn’t care for that matter, or if you are my friend Jess and hates and wants to pass out when it comes to anything medical related then I would suggest you skip this part. I warned you.***

Didn’t I warn y’all from day one that I am pretty much an open book and can whine like a BOSS?! I do believe so. Yesterday I got that biopsy done that I quickly mentioned the other day which I still think is going to be 100% no big deal. I have decided that the nurses and my super amazing sweet obgyn must have NEVER had one or have the pain tolerance of an elephant. (I’m assuming elephants have a high tolerance for pain because I mean look at them…they could crush you with one little iota of pressure from their foot!) I digress. Let me tell you why this is so, because as much as they say it’s not too bad and it is no big deal, THEY LIE! I couldn’t see but I am pretty sure they were trying to detach my hoo-ha from my body. (I’m only okay with that if there is someone in real need of one for like a transplant or something…is that a thing? Hoo-ha replacement surgery?…but I’m sure I either would have consented for AT LEAST looked at my options for selling on the black market! Money talks folks.)  Also, I have never had a baby but I know from all those videos we saw in high school and the many friends that now have babies…I can’t believe I am old enough to say that…that this was nothing in comparison. BUT, could they have at least warned me that sitting for the next couple days would be a chore and it would feel like a wildebeest was trying to claw it’s way out?! That was only one sentence…it wasn’t exactly a time saver to leave it out! Alright, unnecessary and TMI rant over now. But, I’m sure you wondered what I did yesterday and why I was ill and tired so who am I to leave y’all, my caring and scarred for life family and friends, hanging. That would just be plain rude.

***WARNING OVER***

I will leave you with this necessary information. I really hate Casey Anthony. She is a murderous, psychotic, twit and deserves to spend the rest of her life UNDER Guantanamo. Apparently there are 12 idiots out there who don’t agree with me. At least 12…but the rest I can’t call idiots because they technically didn’t make the decision to find her not guilty. Scratch that, they are still idiots. My not-so-sincere apologies if you are one of those idiots. I saw on television she is trying to start a business or some bullshit like that…I don’t know, I turned the channel. CLEARLY I am not over this and hold a grudge towards her, her parents, and these 12 people I don’t know. Come to think of it, this is likely a good time to schedule another therapy appointment.

On that note,

Love, hugs, kisses, hoo-ha stealers, and pink glitter for now,

Kimmy G. 🙂

P.S. (Insert usual disclaimer here) Also a disclaimer on absolutely everything else in this post. You know, just in case Dr. douchbag or Casey Anthony’s lawyers get bored and decide I am a threat to society or some nonsense like that.

P.P.S. I have no plans to get out of my PJ’s or move today so WTF am I going to write about tomorrow?!?! Oy vey.

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